


For Rainy Days

by zoetehemel



Category: DBSK | Tohoshinki | TVfXQ | TVXQ
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-28
Updated: 2014-05-28
Packaged: 2018-01-26 22:43:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 973
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1705256
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zoetehemel/pseuds/zoetehemel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Changmin remembers when his heart was shattered.</p>
            </blockquote>





	For Rainy Days

_Hold me closer hold me tight, hold me when the wind blows, hold me when the night falls, hold me in your arms eternally because I can’t remember anything when I’m not in your arms._

 A creak of a door, a light peeking through his dark bedroom, his pillow wet with tears, Changmin knows only how to cry.

He gathers the battered pieces of Changmin’s sad heart and patches it together using pieces of his own.

Yunho loves him the most.  Yunho cares.  Yunho understands.

He whispers into Changmin’s ear of all the things that they can do still, of comforts, of joy that was once theirs.  Changmin believes Yunho because he was and still is his leader, the leader that will always know which way to go, where the lights shine, where they can escape.

They are pressed together on the bed, the pillow is drying and he finds warmth in Yunho’s hold, something that he forgot about what feels like ever and a day ago.

And Changmin falls asleep in peace for the first time.

_Sometimes the strong will break because their hearts are as delicate as ours.  That is when I will in turn care for you._

It’s rare to see Jung Yunho break and when he does, it’s now Changmin’s turn to reassure Yunho with his own words.  He rubs small circles on Yunho’s back and makes soothing noises as he quietly breaks down.

That is when Changmin uses parts of his being to mend the old, worn ones of Yunho’s.

He learns that from time to time the unbreakable also have times where need to let go.

This time they’re asleep together on Yunho’s bed, holding each other close, they cling and hold each other as life lines.

But it’s never safe to rely on tearing ropes. Maybe only today they can though.

_Inhale the sights and the lights and the brightness, because there are only some moments that only come once in a lifetime._

Changmin looks over at the end of their TONE Concert at Yunho.  He’s crying as he speaks to the crowd, he understands the reasons why.

He feels the warmth radiating off the crowd, the red ocean glowing and shining just for them.

This moment is something he never knew he lived for.

But he wants to feel the pulsing of it once more.  He wants to see Yunho content like that one more time.

_Don’t flinch, don’t look back, most of all don’t regret._

Yunho kisses Changmin in his apartment, they’re both a little drunk, Yunho more wasted than Changmin, and Changmin thinks that this could be the moment he’s been living for ever since he was young and fell for his hyung.

But later in the night, Yunho’s spooning Changmin on his bed, he whispers another’s name other than his and Changmin leaves.

He doesn’t look back.

_If forever is a lie then, has he been lying all this time?_

Changmin refuses to think of that night and Yunho doesn’t remember much at all.

He pretends that everything is alright and he isn’t cracking on the inside.  He keeps up their perfect partnership.  He promises everything to him like he’s going to die soon. 

Well, he is on the inside.

The tearing is torn and he’s not sure how to sew it back together.

Yunho promises to run to the end with Changmin.  Changmin wonders how long he can last.  Yunho is oblivious to Changmin’s sadness.  Changmin hides his weakness from Yunho’s eyes.  Yunho will never see how damaged he really is.

It’s better like this.

_Look, I’ll only say this once.  I love you, eternally, platonically, romantically, like a friend, anyway possible.  I love you._

Wedding day, D-day, the day Changmin’s been secretly dreading since Yunho tells him he’s getting married.   He wonders if he ever had the guts to tell Yunho he loved him something would change, would he choose him, would he even respond?

Changmin thinks that Yunho would never love him like he loved his hyung.

So when they sit in the dressing room, ready to go, Yunho tells his best man ‘thank you for being there for me’.  Changmin smiles and thinks to himself all of endings that could have been.

But when the priest asks for objections, he doesn’t say a word.

At the reception hall Yunho smiles and tells him everything he’s feeling right now and Changmin only can say one thing.

I love you. 

Yunho says it too, it doesn’t mean the same thing as his.

But, that’s okay.

_You’re the part of me that I can’t let go of.  But, I don’t mind._

Years from now when they’re both old and grey, Changmin wonders.  He thinks that at that time he’ll still be alone, their stint as TVXQ has ended and they’ve finally distanced from each other.  Yunho has a family and Changmin floats around with his sisters until he finally settles down and buys a house.

One day Yunho’s wife will pass away and he might, just might find him on his front door.

Changmin decides if that ever happens, he’ll kiss him right then and there.  Maybe he’ll kiss him back too, and maybe he’ll finally realize what Changmin’s I love you all the way back from his wedding really meant.

But, he might change his mind and just be his friend, his teammate, the person that is always on his side.

He won’t know the difference.

And maybe Changmin will look back on a rainy day, count all of the raindrops on his window and remember silly little memories of the man who plucked his heart out of the clouds.  Yunho might never be on his doorstep but, Changmin will (try to) be okay with that.

_I think I could love you every single day of my life, until infinity._

**Author's Note:**

> first time posting here yay!


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